Regarding February 2025

You know how the only constant is change and no-thing lasts forever?

Well, romantic relationships are no exception.

My 14-month monogamous relationship with my now ex-girlfriend mutually ended last month, on Sunday, 02/16/25. More accurately, it was over the course of Valentine’s Day weekend, starting Valentine’s Day night on Friday the 14th, and then yes, concluding on the 16th.

The 2, now going into 3, weeks since then have been fvcking painful to say the least, but that’s of course to be expected.

I was in love with her.

I loved her very, very much, and I still do love her a lot, even though the love is different now.

From my research, a period of no-contact is usually advised after a breakup to allow both parties to truly heal and process that they are no longer together. To weep. To mourn. To grieve and rage and all of the things.

I completely agree, as no contact has been extremely helpful and maybe even necessary for myself when I was post-heartbreak after a romantic relationship in the past.

The funny thing about living on an island is that “everybody knows everybody” as one of our sayings go, and it’s actually really hard not to run into your ex when you have the same close group of True Homies, as well as a shared fire spinning community. Oh yeah, and are still currently in the same iMessage group with the True Homies.

This is the reality I find myself in on this 03/03/25 Girls’ Day, and I’m here for it.

I’m not running away or bugging out and moving to Vegas like I semi-joke about. I’m not numbing myself or disassociating through substances other than nicotine and caffeine and whatever negative effects not getting at least 7 hours of sleep a night do to you (even though trust me, there are parts of me that feel like it would be a lot easier to smoke and drink my feelings away all night long, maybe in the 702).

I’m honestly not even pretending I’m okay, even though a part of me feels like I’m supposed to “put on a front”/”act like everything’s fine”. Paradoxically, as much as I’ve been feeling all my post break-up feels, I don’t know if I’ve even really allowed myself to truly feel the full weight of the split and completely and utterly break down and cry about it.

To Weep about the ending of something that was so beautiful.

I know, I know, sounds dramatic, but most of Life is.

Dramatic, that is.

And, well, I’m pretty dramatic too, but at least I’m wholesome and honest about it, as much as I can be anyways. #Authentic (#AuthenticallySad…? L.O.L.).

Anyways, I logically know this too shall pass and come to pass. It’s just going through it, the emotions and their depth, it’s a bit rough and tough sometimes, you know? Grief is, after all, a non-linear process.

The Emotions come in Waves.

Sadness. Grief. Anger. Anxiety. Weariness. Heck, even a little bit of jealousy, which is ridiculous because I have no “claims” or any right to any say of what or who she does from here on out.

But let’s just say I’m learning to Surf, and at the end of the day regarding the end of this beautiful romantic relationship (that was beautiful and will always be beautiful), it’s really, truly, ultimately All Love and Gratitude.

Love and Gratitude to my former lover and now ex-girlfriend.

Love and Gratitude to our close friends-that-are-like-family group of True Homies and all of our mutual friends, new friends, community, and blood-family who have been there to support us; to listen to us; to offer their comfort, compassion, and advice; and to hold us while we’ve wept and cried.

Love and Gratitude for all of the incredible memories, adventures, fun, and firsts that we shared and co-created as a couple these past 14 months.

Yes, I’m going through the pangs from the pains of this breakup, but I know I only hurt this much because I loved that hard. I loved that deeply and truly, and that’s not something I would ever take back, could ever regret, or would ever want to change.

My pain lets me know I’m alive, and it reminds me of how deeply I can love, how deeply I did love, and that the love that I shared with my ex was real.

And honestly? As a person who values honesty and communication as 2 out of 3 of my most important things in a relationship with anyone, that’s all I could ever have asked for.

The Realness.

And boy, is it still raw, but that’s okay.

I’ve got myself anyways, as well as strong and beautiful support systems, and I have so much Love and Gratitude for myself and my people.

So yes. Breakups suck (-9/10, would not necessarily recommend or wish their pain on anyone, even though it’s a huge part of the Human Experience of, well, Be-ing Human), we love our friends and family, and perhaps the hurt of this transitioning Love is painful because the Love that was shared was Real.

The Love that I share, with anyone, is AllWays Real.

♾️Aloha❤️‍🔥AllWays, 愛Laumeilien